N o s t a l g i a

坏了

2011-12-15T18:52:00.005+08:00

左脚血管太多打结了。。
必须住院治疗。这些无人陪伴的日子它是如此空虚 ,怵 ,愁。
最近一直在下雨心情有点阴沉。有点想家。
已经第3天了我什么时才候能回家？好饿医院有点可怕。我必须独自留在这里吗？
医生都跑去哪了不是说了打支针多隔一天就能会家了吗？
干嘛一天比一天的久搞得时间好慢长。
其实 ,我不喜欢孤独。

绝望

2011-09-30T13:51:00.006+08:00

你可怜，我了解，但有必要向人宣布吗？你可怜，难道说，世界上就不能有比你更可怜的人吗？你可怜，没必要到处埋怨人命好，幸福，没挨过吧。是人的，总得要挨。别再做那一副可怜巴巴的样子，很可悲。　

呼呼，有点绝望的感觉，不知为什，就觉得挺失望的说。因为之前不努力吧，考试没什么合格。要怪就怪自己。一个A，另一，个A-，四个B+，一个C，一个D，一个G 。哈，大致上，全都齐了，潇洒吧？我再次 fail 掉了化学，可笑。物理也退步了总，15分吧？最让人心痛的，所谓的 confirmed A, Art, 我竟然看漏了眼，错过了一个重点，该画的，没画到！而且 paper 1 都考得很差，所以掉去了B+ 。老师对我还挺失望的，不好意思哦，可我读不进脑。但！我的成绩最起码是老实的。不像某些人，得到了漏题，不，更可恶，得到了漏考卷，就个自背答案。从 fail 跳去 A+ 还高兴得到起来的败类，自欺欺人。你们的态度与精神，似在让我无话可说，竟还失败过我，几厉害一下的。卑小的人们啊。 ~~　

好了，就别说这些有的没的吧，好久没画画了，叫林北不画画，不就等于要林北死吗 ? Tahan 不到 nafsu 了！

灵感来自于"春泥”这首歌。

“风中，你的泪滴，滴滴落在回忆里，让我们取名叫作珍惜。”

好像没话题了，掰咯老兄们。

Nonsensical

2011-07-31T15:47:00.005+08:00

Firstly I wanted to thank my mom for buying me a bag as birthday present . Also, Mei Kei, E Xuan, Natalie, Wen Yi, Skye for buying me a complete set of K-On! figurine ! And Esther to lending us her house to do BBQ party of course .

I finally manage to finish my art project ! Somehow relieved, teacher stressed me pretty much in order to get full mark and compete with students of all the schools in Wilayah . Huurhhh . I think it's the final project I'll get for Form 5 which is a good news . I'm aware of more projects ahead in the future once I step into colleges . And exams ! Trial is just 2 weeks ahead but I have yet prepare anything . *suicides* Esther told me that trial is important for January intake next year, but I doubt I would go for January intake . No way, I need rests after SPM .

My mom actually asked me to score a straight A's, just A's, not A+'s . I told her it's highly impossible, even if I kick my ass off to study throughout the year, it's still impossible . I could rarely make a pass for Chemistry or a few point-passed for Accounting . I screwed these subjects real bad, I guess the rests are ok, not good nor not bad . Grr, I hate Chemistry and Accounting .

If I know Esther will be transferred to our school, I would've stay in Art Stream with her . She's very intelligent, in fact she holds 2nd place in our form, she scored straight A's for all the exams, yet she picked Art Stream because she dislikes Sciences-related . Such a waste . A-A-AAnd I hold the 6--6-60+'th . *killed* I want her brain juice !

Determination

2011-06-27T20:36:00.007+08:00

Hola, you .

I've been less active on the net just once the semester starts . I used to nag how slow the time flows, but eventually, not now . Must say, time flows really quickly these days, is it because I've somehow get a life ? I don't know .

I'm currently working on school art portfolio . It's somehow hard and long . Wth . This is where and why I started to lose myself . Weeks ago, my foster mom planned an outing and invited me over because my foster brother came back from Singapore . They are going to Genting Highlands and after that Selangor to buy and eat seafood . If I was still me, hell, I would've follow them, but I did not, I forfeited this chance and stayed home for this project . This project had me suffering from insomnia, I lose 3kg as I had no appetite to eat . My face became paler than before . I dazed instead of interrupting my friends . Luckily it was just for a day . Teacher told me not to overdo it, and so I rested for 2 days . *kicked*

Anyway, this afternoon was awkward ! I was heading to tuition blindly without knowing the time . I saw the classroom was full, and it was almost deserted out there, and so I thought I was late, I rushed into the class and everyone stared at me . The teacher asked if I was late or what, I looked at my phone, I'm more than early . He asked me what form I am, and I said 5 . All the students laughed at me and said the Form 4 class is still going on over there . Wakao, I apologised and walked out, I see a bunch of Form 5 Aminuddin Baki girls staring at me with a somehow apologetical look, combined with hilariousity . Haha . It sure kicked me in the ass, man .

This month, I've determined to do 100 sit ups per day, everynight . My stomach is kinda buncit like askhdafhsoha luckily everyone said it's not obvious at all .

Annoyance

2011-06-12T19:52:00.003+08:00

Today we were called to return to Bangsar for Fathers Day in advance . Bangsar, the place where I scared of most, also the place I despised . That's where my father sides relative lived, that's where we used to live when I was still a baby . Unfriendly looking buildings, big dogs, everything of this place give off an unwelcoming phenomena .

We reached there 10.30 a.m as called . My brothers and parents were enjoying their time, of course . Not me . There was no entertainment there . TV was on with old movies, laptops were used by my brothers and cousins . I just stared into the spaces with my mind runs wild .

Hours later my aunty came, believe me, her daughters are the most annoying things, in fact they are a pain on my ass . "I hated CNY because these people are noisy ." "I bought this handbag for how many k's ." "My glasses worthed how many k ." "We just came back from bla bla, and it was cheap, we bought bla bla for how many k's, worthed it and bla bla ." "I have 1k of pocket money per week and we eat bla bla for teatime ." "Oh, our gardener is impressive ! As well as our chef ." "Oh, don't worry we have drivers all the time . " "My private tutor actually costed bla bla ." "I'm learning digital painting outside with the fees of bla bla . I'm learning 124896103 languages and 12394723 dances and singing . " Bla bla bla bla .

SHUT UP . JUST SHUT UP . YOU ARE SO ANNOYING AND IT'S RIPPING MY BRAIN OFF .

SOMEBODY SHOULD'VE JUST KIDNAP YOU FOR MAKING WORLD A BETTER PLACE .

And, hello ? Do you have any respect for the elders ? I'm gonna grab back the old issues back to CNY . The aircond ran out of gas . Also, our dining table is a little too small for fitting in all of us, for that reason we were divided into 2 tables, one for adults and one for us, the younger ones which was less well-served . And who the hell are them to sit on the table for adults and make my mom and aunty-in-law to sit with us ? And what's with all the 4 fans facing at you guys ? Not even 1 for us ? What the hell . I know you are rich, but aren't you taught any manners ? What's with all the body guards or drivers when you supposed to have someone to teach you the basic of humanity . And shut your face off , I don't even care what type of handbags you have or how much your father earns . Don't say, "They're noisy . I don't like it . ", while rolling your eyes . We don't like you two neither, but at least, leave some respect for the elders . You guys are pathetic, know that ?

Their mom asked about my interest in drawing, actually all of us knew their mom has no other difference compared to her daughters . She started to blob out everything about her daughters' temporary interest for drawing and sent them for expensive classes . Nothing was wrong, but something was itching inside my heart that moment . I wanted to show them that I could do better than them in the future without expensive tutoring . I wanted to show them that even self-taught can be better than tutored . I hope I could . By that time, I would've just smile to myself and say , " IN YOUR FACE . "

Efforts

2011-06-07T16:06:00.003+08:00

Is effort necessary for success ? I don't know . I was the only lucky one those time but not now . Never . Form 5 is never about luck, it's about effort .

And-- I forgot to mention that I've dropped Add. Maths and took Art as a replacement . Some of my friends thought I was being lazy or maybe fun-seeking at the moment . I wouldn't mind their words, it might be true, I don't know . I wasn't very confident, at all you can say. I know I will not do well in this subject since I always failed . Worse, it is fail against the fails thus my mom advised me to drop this subject to minor any regrets in the future although it takes her RM60 . That was after Debbie's call, she told my mom that her teacher advised her to drop Add. Maths .

But is it a right choice ? My cousin and friends do not support this choice, of course. They asked why I gave up so easily, while the marking is less strict for SPM . Usual fails could pass in SPM . But I don't want just a pass . Do you actually think 'C' will be nice in your SPM slip ? If I tell this to my friends, they would probably snort out that, "Oh, sorry, I forgot. You're smart, that's why. ", very sarcastically. It's annoying of how they said that . They never get what I meant .

Giving up hopes for Add. Maths isn't a bad thing . I had time to focus on Physics (last minute studies) . And, guess what ? I passed Physics . ~ Days before that, Sars told me that she heard kids of the first class complaining about their results for Physics paper were really bad, which it was actually good . Sars was angered . One day, my Physic teacher came in and told me that I did well for this Phys exam, and my Paper 2 actually scores better than some of the 1st class ! And I was like, whoah ! My face cramped for a moment, I do not know how to react to that situation and acted calm like, oh well .

Our school has a carnival a week after the semester starts . ~ Can't wait ! But Vero told me that us Form 5's of every club has to do the sellings and promoting .. Ee, disgusting creatures . Why must we do these boring jobs ?

An Outing

2011-06-01T16:09:00.003+08:00

Er, alright, I had an outing today, wasn't that fun, but it was still fun . Just that my brother followed along, like, wth ? E Xuan did not tag along since she has piano's theorical exam, is it? She's always tied dead by piano. She should go out with a piano pulled . Bruno Mars much ? Miki was so late, put me, Skye and Natalie to deafening awkward boredom .

So, er, we sorta watched Pirates of the Carribean, it was brilliant I guess ? Though it wasn't as funny as the previous seasons . But, meh, mermaid attack ! It tought us not to get scammed over by perversion. LOL . Tahan nafsu! I didn't know mermaids were actually a human eater until today . Lol . Jack left his pregnant wife on a deserted island and swam off . WINLOL .

And, er, after that we were actually heading to Subway to eat. But wtf, my brother spoiled my fun and say he has to go back as his friends are waiting for him at gym . And . We have to go back . While waiting for my father to arrive, we went arcade . Short while. I actually feel jealous when my friends are actually eating Subways on my way back home lolol .

I bought 2 anime posters ! If I wasn't on a tight budget, I would've rape the whole store . My brother used my money all way long to eat, like around RM 10.30 . I could buy 4 posters or 2 Miku Miku from there ! Go die la you .

Pretty long post . I think there'll be another outing in these 2 weeks as a replacement for Sarah party . And I have to buy presents . Buhbye, money .

Renewal

2011-05-07T15:54:00.003+08:00

Hola , world , it's been a long time .

I've somehow renewed this blog ? Again, you say ?

You must think that I have plenty of time for a SPM' ian .

Anyway ,

Things are going a little down these silent days . I don't know why .

At times , paranoia is somehow killing me .

I don't know why .